Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?
always remember your unique, just like everone else
Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.
The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?
Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
Why is the third hand on a watch called a second hand?
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
How come abbreviated is such a long word?
I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
How do you get off a non-stop flight?
If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
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